Posts tagged "mcsweeney's"
  1. 11 months ago 
    "I was with a woman whose mere glance or touch tugged something deep in my chest and put it on a swing. I was also standing in an 800-square-foot room with lights that changed from purple to pink to green to blue, a California King bed, a Jacuzzi, turquoise soaps and a 60-square-foot glass cage, which the manager called “a party shower.” Like being 18 and on Spring Break, the possibilities seemed endless."
    - Stef Willen

    (Source: mcsweeneys.net)

  2. 1 year ago 
    "#1
    Q: What’s the difference between a knife fight and a dinner party?
    A: About six more glasses of this wine."
    - Dan Kennedy

    (Source: mcsweeneys.net)

  3. 1 year ago 
    "We may only be in our mid-thirties, of neutral good looks, and, as a group, represent a refreshing, but not uncomfortably diverse cross-section of ethnicities, but we are already fully resigned to a life of endless bowls of mealy pasta drenched in tomato-themed high-fructose corn syrup and bread sticks that we’ll joke look a little like uncircumcised penises, because we are dead inside."
    - The people in the Olive Garden commercial share their existential pain

    (Source: mcsweeneys.net)

  4. 1 year ago 
    "Since the Renaissance, these vessels have been crafted as no-frills, no-nonsense boats used primarily for sex acts on water. And honestly, all I’m asking is that you consider this rich history"
    - David Henne
  5. 1 year ago 
    "Because a little human decency goes a long way in a land so bereft of it, in a place where the death of your entire family can be called a “misunderstanding,” and all I could offer were socks and coats and condolences. But never answers."
    - From a column by  NATHAN BRADLEY
  6. 1 year ago 
    "It is by far the world’s largest underground church, and it is entirely made of salt."
    - Kevin Dolgin
  7. 1 year ago 

    COLLEGE WRITING CLASS ASSIGNMENTS WITH REAL WORLD APPLICATIONS.

    1. Write a text message to a girl apologizing for the series of drunken text messages you sent her at 2 a.m. last night, which were just poorly composed requests for her to come over.

    2. Write a justification for taking time off from work and school to “figure out what it is you really want to do.”

    3. Write an obituary for a family member who was by all accounts an emotionally distant asshole and an unaccomplished poet.

    4. Write an e-mail to your professor explaining why you’ve missed his/her class so many times, you’ve all ready used the death in the family excuse.

    5. Write a thank-you note to your Aunt Tina for the wedding gift she meant to send to your younger, but all ready more successful brother.

    Find the rest at McSweeney’s

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thoughts
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of Michael J. Collins
 
 

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